Here's my confession: Almost every time I preach or write something that is heard or read by others, I feel like I am auditioning to be a pastor. I feel like if I nail it, people will approve of God's giftings and calling on my life, and if I blow it, I will be seen as a fraud, unfit to plant a church and lead a community of believers. Even just now, I wrote "community of believers" three or four different ways to make sure that I didn't say it wrong and therefore disqualify myself in the eyes of all of you. I feel like if I am to follow Jesus, I need to be able to compete with the writers and preachers who I respect and the ones that America puts on the cover of magazines.

Here's another, more obvious confession: That's exhausting, unsustainable, and it has nothing to do with God's calling on my life.

"All this I have spoken while still with you. But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." - John 14:25-27

How does the world give its peace? From what I understand about the first-century, Casaer created peace by decimating countries and making them conform to his rule. Maybe Jesus is saying that his peace doesn't come by way of losing everything, or having to constantly be perfect.

Jesus gives us the Holy Spirit, revealing His words and empowering us to do His works. John Wimber, Vineyard founder, defined ministry as "meeting the needs of others using God's power." He calls us disciples and says that we are capable of doing everything He did, and even greater things than Him!

Jesus didn't seem to care what the powers that be thought of Him. He spread the message God told Him to spread. He obeyed God's commands even when there were more attractive options. He created miracles in a world that wasn't always receptive of Him creating miracles.

Jesus gives me peace. He gives me reprieve from driving myself crazy trying to guess what everyone thinks of me. He allows me to hear His life-giving voice. He gives me a clear path and purpose: to do His works and proclaim His kingdom. He gives me parameters on my life that allow me to experience life in the full, knowing all of the destructive paths I would wander down otherwise. He gives me permission to be myself and follow the calling on my life and let Him take care of all the rest.

And for that, I'm thankful.

Tomorrow: My list.

Labels: Jesus