originally posted on June 29, 2005 (during the shingles fiasco)

Yeah, I'm blog-happy today. A little cabin fever going on. Between the indescribable pain (pray for that, will ya?) and the not having to work business, it's been me alone with my thoughts most of the day.

My big thought has been "whittle away." I don't know if that's from God, from me or from a book, but since it seems led by my spirit, I think it's time to pay attention.

"Whittle away all of the things that have nothing to do with who I made you to be."

Sue Monk Kidd says we should take the carvings with us. Embrace them and allow them to be a part of your past. One wise man I know says that I need to keep one foot firmly planted in the present and one foot firmly planted in the past. To recognize that everything I am currently has some footholds in my past, but to forge ahead into the future, being aware of my past but not living from it.

What are the things I need to whittle away?
Some are materialistic. Technology, music, books & magazines (I'm particularly fond of "Fast Company" and Amazon's free shipping on orders of $25 or more).
Some are emotional.
Some have to do with physical health.
Some are needs, that are good, but that I'm going to the wrong places to fulfill.
Some are desires that have nothing to do with reality. Competition springs to mind. The need to be everything to everyone and do everything is another.
Some are how I spend my free time.
Some are things I'm doing and things I'm not doing.

So I whittle away, searching for who God made me to be. Carving off a little bit at a time and partnering with grace in this journey of self-discovery. Self-discovery so that I can bless others. So that I can better love and serve God, myself, others and creation.

Labels: Jesus

originally posted on June 29, 2005

Pastor David Jeremiah says "You cannot sow and reap in the same season."

Wise words. I'm an impatient person and want everything now. But that's not the way it works. First you sow, then you reap. You cannot plant fruit and eat it in the same season.

This is my season to sow. Sure, I have plenty to offer and talk about, and between Capture & house group I hope I have enough to give. But this season I am going deeper and deeper into my past, my emotional and physical health and the rhythms of life. Last summer I was a vivacious student of the Word, and I'm still reaping fruit from that time. This summer I appear to be in a season of introspection and finding out who God made me to be.

God lifts us up out of the mud and mire, but maybe there's another lesson in Psalm 40. Maybe there are times God invites us to go deeper into the mire - the junk from our past, the pain and hurt of now - and promises us that He will lift us out and give us firm ground to stand on. We can feel safe swimming into deeper waters knowing that He has a floater to throw us if we get too far out and can no longer swim. And, we can feel safe examining the mud and mire because He promises us that the time is coming when He will lift us out.

Being lifted out of the mud and mire isn't a one-time-experience. That verse speaks to me of salvation for eternity, but also daily salvation today. God wants us to be free now, and in order to do so, He's got to pull us completely out of the mire. I don't know about you, but my whole world is mire some days. Puddles of deep, slimy mud all over the place.

He's a God who breathes air into dirt and creates life. Maybe the solid ground He promises us is actually formed out of the mud and mire.

Labels: Jesus

originally posted on June 23, 2005

Tonight at house group, we met at the landfill (or lakefill, depending on who you ask), which is a man-made lake on Northwestern's campus. The lake is surrounded by some very picturesque landscaping and surrounding the land that surrounds the lake is Lake Michigan.

For the last six months or so, I've been reflecting on the idea of the three Shaloms - that is, God's intention for the world when He spoke it into existence is that we would have shalom with God, shalom with each other and shalom with creation. This word, shalom, has deep, wonderful meanings beyond just the peace that it is usually translated as. It means well-being, health, wholeness, oneness, completeness. Rob Bell at Mars Hill refers to the three Shaloms as "God's project". He says that it is our purpose to partner with God in redeeming the world - restoring our world to God's original intention - the three Shaloms.

Somehow we got on to the question of where we see God. Someone brought up nature, which of course is true. But I maintain that God is everywhere. He's in the Sears Tower, the Sistine Chapel, the pizza they serve at Giordano's, the Buckingham Fountain and Lake Michigan. And He's also in you and me.

So we went through a little spontaneous mini-activity. First we looked at the lake, breathing it in, focusing on God. Then we paired up and spent time looking at each other. Something sacred happens when you just stare at someone for awhile. You can't help but giggle. You smile a little, then you smile a lot, and then you're giggling. What's up with that?
I think it's because we are experiencing God. God is joy. Joy is one of those words that just by saying it, you smile a little more. Joy. Joyful. Joyous. Joy joy joy joy down in my heart. When I look at another person, another one of God's creations, created in His image, I see something beautiful and brilliant. Something unique. I look at the people I work with and I see many wonderful personalities and dreams. I look at my friends and my family and I see life. When a baby looks back at you and stares you down, something sacred is happening. Something that transcends our daily reality.

But why do we giggle? I mean, we are just people. I would be curious to hear the response of people who don't believe in God. Because I can't explain it. Maybe something is stirring in our souls - two images of God connecting and joy erupts.

I'm excited to be a part of God's project. I want to spend more time restoring the three shaloms. I want to look for God in this world, here and now. I'm told I don't have to wait to have life and life to the full. I look at Lake Michigan and while I can't wait to see Lake Michigan with the sin and death and tarnish removed, I'm pretty jazzed about Lake Michigan as it is now. And I'm pretty jazzed about seeing you all. Spending time cultivating relationships and enjoying what God is doing. You don't have to spend all day on your knees in prayer to experience God. God's sitting next to you. He's all around you. He's in your fingers and your toes, He's in the words on many many pages, He's in the notes of John Coltrane, He's in every person's laugh, and He's in the person sitting to your left.

Love. Grace. Warmth. Joy. Full. Real. Alive.
Light in the dark.
If you haven't met Jesus, I highly recommend giving him a call.

Labels: Jesus

originally posted between June 20-21, 2005

When you blink, your eyelids act as a sort of windshield-wiper. You blink and moisture covers your eyes. The moisture is known as a tear film, which may or may not be one word. For most people this lasts about 5-15 seconds, at which point you must blink again.

Key word(s): most people.

So for the last six or seven years my eyes have been mad-dry. I blink long and hard, and they hurt, always. I feel like my head is constantly under pressure and will crack at any point. I didn't do anything about this and then my eyes sent me a new message. They started twitching. Well, the right one did anyway. It didn't feel good and it freaked me out, so I went and saw an opthamologist.

The nurse, who was officially the coolest nurse in the history of nurses, started shining all sorts of blue lights and bright white lights in my eyes. Apparently the way to figure out what's wrong with your eyes is to blind you. 'Cause that makes sense. Then she put drops in that numbed my eyes and later ones that dilate them. The experience was topped off with some huge sunglasses that I was very proud to walk home in and will definitely be sporting on a regular basis. They're hot. Don't judge.

So after all of the above, my nurse used some really technical terms in describing my tear films. She said... and I quote... "Your tear films are crap." I think crap is the technical term. Anyway, apparently my moisture breaks up almost as quickly as it gets there - under a second - causing my eyes to be uber-dry.

I get to use eye drops to moisturize them from now on. It's never going to go away, but I have to say that I'm quite pleased with the result, given how much worse it could've been.

So my eyes are already feeling better than they have in years, and I got to experience what it feels like to have bad/blurry vision like all my friends after my eyes were dilated. Good stuff. The pressure in my head is gone, and all because I finally accepted the need for eye drops.

Which makes me immediately wonder... do I need drops for my spiritual eyes?

What if they could bottle up living water and you could put it in your eyes when things got out of whack?


Jesus is called "living water." "Mayim Hayim" (pronounced MY-eem HY-eem). Life-giving water of rain, rivers and springs as a picture of God's Spirit in the world. (Tverberg - "Listening to the Language of the Bible.")

Some verses to ponder...
"Swarms of living creatures will live wherever the river flows. There will be large numbers of fish, because this water flows there and makes the salt water fresh; so where the river flows everything will live." - Ezekiel 47:9

"I will pour water on the thirsty land, and streams on the dry ground; I will pour out my Spirit on your offspring, and my blessing on your descendants." - Isaiah 44:3

Jesus said that He was the fulfillment of these words when he spoke to the woman at the well (John 4:10) and when he spoke during the prayers for rain at the Sukkot feast (John 7:38).

My eyes are still dry. I use the eye-drops and it relieves it for a short-while, but the reality of my eyes is that they are dry. I have "crap" tear films to quote my nurse. Similarly, I've been a Christian for three years, following hard after Jesus for at least two of those years. Yet every day I am dismayed by the places my mind goes, the words I speak, the choices I make. Sometimes I think the old adage 'the more things change...' is disturbingly true.

This week I'm going to do something different. I'm going to use living water eye drops. When I'm faced with thoughts, words, choices... when I feel my spiritual eyes twitching - screaming at me telling me to get them some moisture - I'm going to drop some living water in them. Whether that means prayer, reading or a simple act of pinching my index finger and my thumb together, I'm going to spend one week - Tuesday through Sunday - making an extra effort to tune my soul to God's perfect pitch.

I have hope that even though I am a human being, reminding the world daily of my need for a Savior, I have access to living water whenever I want it. God's got an endless supply of the stuff, and He's quick to give it out. It's up to me to take it and put it to use. Tonight my eye was twitching like crazy, but I ignored it because I thought I was going to bed soon (there goes that plan). After a half hour of dealing with the discomfort, I realized I could just take two minutes out of my life and put some eye drops in and all would be back to equilibrium. Once I did, all was well and the twitching went away. Can the same be true of my spiritual eyes? Can Mayim Hayim change the way I interact with the world if I just take the time to do something about it?


When I asked why my tear films are the way they are, I was given a laundry list of possible reasons, including, but not limited to:

pollution, stress, poor eating habits, staring at a computer screen all day, reading a lot, etc.

Um... check, check, check, check & check.

There are so many things in the world that aren't good for us, that make our bodies shut down and create pain and discomfort. I like the way our bodies are designed to send up warning flags before something gets way out of hand. I have to assume that's not an accident, right? Every time I go to the doctor (which is rarely, but enough to create a hypothesis) 'stress' comes up as a probable cause.

As a people, and as a church, let's spend some time paying attention to the stress in our lives. Why do we allow ourselves to work ten-hour-days and grab McDonald's for our daily nourishment? What about that screams 'this is a good use of my time and money'?


The great living water eye drop experiment continues, and day one... well, let me tell you one last story.

When I first used the eye drops from the sample vials they gave me, I wasn't quite sure what I was doing. Having rarely used eye drops in the past, the first time out was a video game - my face covered in "tears" because I can't get the darn things in my eye. The first time I did it I almost used up an entire vial, which is meant to last a day or longer. By the second day I was getting a little better, but not much... probably a 6:1 ratio of drops attempted to drops landed. By day three that ratio was about 4:1. Today is day seven, and I'm happy to announce that it's about a 2:1 ratio now. Of course, yesterday I used an entire vial in one sitting when I was having all sorts of issues at work.

I have a feeling this little living water eye drop thing is going to be the same way. I found myself having surprising success every time I stopped, took a breath and pinched my fingers together, or stopped and prayed. But there were times I got caught up in the moment and ignored it all together. There were also times where I sincerely tried but in the end was disappointed.

I'm being super-vague here, but the point is I think relying on God is a lot like the eye-drop process. The more you do it, the easier it gets. Your aim is better. You know that you always start out a little high so you lower your aim, like my dart game. Sometimes you go 1:1. Sometimes you go 4:1. And sometimes you use an entire vial. And having a 1:1 day does not mean tomorrow will also be a 1:1 day.

Sue Monk Kidd, who I talked about in a previous post, talks about "partnering with grace." Partnering with grace means moving forward, giving it your all, and allowing yourself to be forgiven when you blow it. It means accepting grace for what it is. Not forgetting the weight of your decisions and not ignoring the deep, amazing reflection that often comes when you really mess up, but also allowing yourself to move on, building on God's victory rather than our own fleeting success.

Here's hoping that tomorrow is a 1:1 day.

Labels: Jesus

Dave Sandell is a harbinger of soul

Labels: Favorites, Other